imagine if you named your kid dad. just dad.
Actually that’s just his nickname. His real name is [trucks honking], but everyone just calls him dad.
Why does my hair only look good before I’m gonna wash it
U ever been so tired ur eyelids burn when u blink
the most exciting thing that has happened today is when my best friend tried to say ‘wait’ and ‘hang on’ at the same time and ended up saying ‘wang on’ and I thought about it on the way home and nearly crashed my car from laughing so hard
one time in math class my teacher was really pissed at us and he was yelling “DO YOU EVEN KNOW BASIC MATH? DO YOU KNOW ADDITION? WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO? COREY, WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO?” and poor corey wasn’t paying attention so i leaned over to him and whispered “seven” and he blurted out “SEVEN” and i have never laughed harder and i doubt i ever will